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Body, You Are Embarrassing

Maybe this is some kind of commentary on how girls are taught to be ashamed of their bodies, or heck, maybe not just girls but EVERYBODY. Whatever it implies, for better or worse, I can remember the first time I blamed my body for ruining my life. I was 15 years old and dating my first love – LAUGH ALL YOU WANT, I had our future kids’ names picked out. I’ve mostly forgotten all my ex boyfriends, but this one was special. This one was magic. And this one stung when it ended, and even as a happily married and well-adjusted person, looking back on it still stings. Much+sadness_ce850a_4891468 He broke up with me out of the blue, and my little teenage heart was reeling from the blow. What had I done to screw this up? Obviously it was me, I knew I was the problem. But what? Where did I go wrong? Did I talk about geeky things too much? Did I just LOVE HIM too much?? After many sleepless nights and over-dramatic drawings, I realized what had destroyed my chances of ever finding happiness – my stomach. sadness_by_rockthenations

(photo by RocktheNations on Deviantart.com)

Yes. My tummy came between me and true love. Oh, it wasn’t too big or anything, I was a skinny, fit little thing that exercised every day as captain of the colorguard. No. The problem with my tummy was that it was LOUD. See, we shared one class together in our whole schedule, and it was right after lunch. Even though I’d JUST eaten, my tummy would grumble after lunch, probably louder than it did before lunch. And I can vividly remember one time that we were talking together in class and it was quite and GRUMBLEGRUMBLEGRUMBLE. And he gave me this look. And I think I actually shrunk I was so embarrassed. He didn’t say anything and worse, I didn’t say anything. And looking back, I knew that was the moment he began to devise how he would cut ties with me and my freak-monster-stomach. sad2 Of course I now know there were other reasons. We stayed friends and I later learned that he was just going through a lot of stress and he’s even said that breaking up with me for that was a mistake. But it’s not like I’ve been brave enough to out and ask “No really though – was it because my tummy grumbled too loud?” So you know. I still have my doubts and crippling insecurities about the whole ordeal. I am happy to say that while my stomach has gone on to develop IBS and of course become the source of hospitalizing chronic pain, it has at least had the decency to learn to be quiet after lunch. I think it’s safe to say that this is the heart of my happy marriage today. Love, respect, and a quiet tummy. 7ea000899f6945f936071424aac011c5 Do you remember the first time your body embarrassed you? Did it ruin your life? Have you been able to overcome it? Is this shame induced by our society, or is it normal to blame your uncontrollable body for your rejections, failings, and shortcomings? Let me know in the comments!

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About rachelmeeks

My name is Rachel Meeks. I have endometriosis, an incurable pain condition, IBS, a digestive illness, and PCOS, which causes irregular periods and infertility. After keeping my illnesses a secret, I started to get upset about how my fellow sick people were being mistreated because of ignorance. I knew that I'd need to stand up, make some noise, wear my heart on my sleeve, and admit that I am not well to make a difference.

9 responses to “Body, You Are Embarrassing

  1. Yoshiko

    Yea. It does until I learn to accept my own body.

  2. Lindsay

    oh my goodness, my body has embarrassed my countless times. sometimes it makes funny noises. when i’m exercising, i get odd sweat patterns. i end up with colorful rashes in colorful places. in fact, just this morning, the BF asked me, “what is that“? while pointing to a bright red….thing.

    our bodies can be embarrassing, but they can be so beautiful, too. whenever i stop to think about all my body does, i’m usually more forgiving of its indiscretions.

  3. kbwriting

    It still embarrasses me. It is so hard to get past. My middle son is also my largest child – he takes after the stout side of the family and I worry so much for him, but he really doesn’t care. He cares how he looks – he matches his clothes and wears special shirts on special days but he flaunts his big tummy. He loves his jiggling thighs and his smelly feet and as a ten year old boy, the louder the bodily sound the better. I think I need to embrace my inner ten year old, and I’ll be okay.

  4. Oh lord too many times to count, but one that is vivid is when IBS hit during my run of hairspray. I couldn’t leave the restroom for mic check. Thankfully my stomach tends to behave when it’s really important to, like when I’m on stage, but that was truly embarrassing. That also happened during Scrooge, I accidentally consumed high fructose corn syrup before a matinee and our ASM had to run to the gas station to get me pepto while I was holed up in the public restroom with only 2 stalls and a plethora of audience members everywhere. That one was also super embarrassing. I cried worried I would miss my entrance or that people would be laughing at me.

    • Oh nooo! Yeah IBS is tough when you’re a performer, ESPECIALLY because stress doesn’t help! Then you stress over trying NOT to stress, and it’s a whole lotta not good haha.

      With IBS it is especially important to be able to laugh at yourself. πŸ™‚

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