Sex Toys for Endo

A while back I promised a sexy surprise about endometriosis and it’s finally time for me to deliver! I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last post. I’ve been sick.


Anyway, I’ve got a great tip for you ladies dealing with endometriosis. One of the symptoms I have a really hard time dealing with is not-quite-pain. I think that’s what a lot of doctors and pharmacists mean when they say “discomfort” but that just sounds so sissy. For me, there are days when I am so “uncomfortable” that I have panic attacks. I feel trapped in my own skin, and as soon as I get home I rip all my clothes off because I just can’t stand anything touching me.

That’s NOT my sexy surprise, believe me, it’s pretty un-sexy.

The center of my over-stimulation is usually my lady-bits. Like I said, it’s not pain, it’s just this restless awfulness. I don’t know how exactly to describe it. I wondered if it was “horniness.” I usually think of horniness as, well, wanting sex, so why would I associate this restless discomfort as horniness? Mostly from one scene in the comic Watchmen, where Laurie describes a feeling similar to what I was feeling.


“I felt let down, restless, horny, and I needed a cigarette.” – she says this is reference to the first time she gathered with a bunch of other costume heroes to try and form a crime fighting squad. The meeting didn’t go well and she was feeling a lot of pressure. She wasn’t specifically wanting sex, but described herself as “horny” so maybe it can be a bad feeling. Anyway, I’ve gotten very side-tracked, in short – I felt really awful and didn’t know what to do.

Since I didn’t know how to really describe what was going on, I did a lot of vague googling and eneded up reading a lot about vaginismus. When I felt uncomfortable, I’d tense up and have spasms all over, but like I said, I felt this stress was rooted in my pelvic area. I saw that the treatment for this condition was dialators – objects that could be inserted into the vagina that varied in size, so that you could start with a small size and slowly try bigger sizes to open yourself up and help the muscles relax. This also sounded like something that would help with the painful sex that can accompany endometriosis, so I thought I’d ask my doctor about it.

His first response when I asked about dilators was that I didn’t have vaginismus, but if I was simply experiencing discomfort and wanted to try and treat the area, it would be cheaper to just “buy some toys.” I blushed. Oh Lordy, my doctor was prescribing “toys…”

Needless to say, I was more than a little mortified. But I was so miserable, so stressed, and so… “uncomfortable” every day that I was willing to try desperate measures.

I went to a sex store.

Yeah, so it was embarrassing. I went to a girl-centric store, which helped a bit. All the salespeople were women and it’s supposed to have a vibe like Victoria’s Secret. But still. It’s just weird. I’m so glad I went, though, because seriously, it made a world of difference for the symptoms I was having.

I ended up getting a pretty basic waterproof, vibrating dildo. And you don’t know how embarrassing that was to type. But it ended up being great therapy for many of the symptoms of endo that there are just no pills for. Each night when I showered, I would turn on the vibrator and just calmly insert it. At first, it was very painful, so it was a pretty quick exercise. But as time went on, I’d try to keep it in for a few seconds at a time. The vibrations relaxed the muscles in exactly the same way vibrating massage chairs relax the muscles in your back. It also helped me to overcome some general fear associated with entry just because of past painful episodes.

Now, full disclosure, this problem ultimately wasn’t 100% solved until I also started taking antidepressants. Part of my issue was my anxiety disorder, which just caused my brain and body to over react to very mild irritants (like clothing). Once I got used to the medicine, the problem almost disappeared. Now, I don’t keep the vibrator in the shower anymore because I only need to use it every now and then when a flare gets particularly bad.

The last tip I’ve got for you on this truly mortifying topic is to go ahead and spend a little extra on it. Don’t spend extra for one that’s glittery or anything, just one that is a bit higher end and better quality. I went for one of the cheaper options and it ended up dying on me after a little less than a year. I’m not sure why, but I think that the “waterproof-ness” of it can vary. I think somewhere along the way some water got into mine and now it won’t stay on. I’m thinking the higher end ones are a bit more sturdy and can stand up to more water.

I SERIOUSLY HOPE THIS HELPS SOMEBODY. I waited forever to write about it, thinking eventually I could write in a not totally awkward way about it but clearly I can’t. Haha I know this is all SO WEIRD but it was the only thing that helped me. While the antidepressants played a huge role in it, I don’t think I would have gotten the same result without sex toy use. Antidepressants can help a lot, but they can not 100% prevent panic attacks and muscle tension and spasms. In the same way that you wouldn’t just take antidepressants for chronic back pain or joint stiffness, you can’t rely on them to clear up muscle problems in your private parts. Sometimes you need massage/physical therapy… and there is an intimate version of that. That’s legal. And I wish was less awkward to explain.

….hi mom.

Alright, I’m bolting. Go check out a sex store. See ya next time when I pretend we never had this conversation.


14 thoughts on “Sex Toys for Endo

  1. great job of covering a topic that can be embarrassing. you handled it with humor and class, and probably made a difference for some lady.

    and, sex related posts are my fav!

  2. thanks for braving the awkwardness – chronic illness can upset every facet of our lives, in ways that no healthy person could imagine!

  3. I can definitely see how the pain of endo could lead to something like this! And, heck, I wouldn’t have known what to do professionally so I’m glad your doctor had some advice which helped! I’m wiser for your experience and (very brave, honest) post.

  4. I think it’s completely awesome that you took a risk and wrote about something so personal and private. I’m absolutely certain that it’s going to help someone. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written a blog post and thought, “Oh my God, this is going to offend and horrify people,” only to be told that it helps them so much. Keep up the excellent work!

  5. There are some things that are simply awkward to talk or write about–no matter what. I found a few subjects awkward to talk to my patients about!
    Have you tried a magnesium supplement? I had a bit of trouble with endo, but a hysterectomy fixed it right up. Not sure it was the best answer, but… Considering how you talked about the pain, magnesium might help. I am working on a blog about that mineral. I was surprised how much it helped my fibro pain. I’m using the Nature Made brand, 250 mg, one in the morning and 1 at bedtime. I also take a 500mg Vitamin C with it.
    Those are not the only supplements I take, but I’ll go into more detail in the blog. I’ve been working on researching a few things before I post it.
    The vitamin C that I use is Nutrilite brand. Theirs is from the acerola cherry which is more potent, and it’s time-released so your body gets small amounts over several hours. Vitamin C helps boost your autoimmune system. You can check out my website for the C, but the magnesium is OTC since we don’t carry it.
    If you’re going to take supplements, you want to take something that’s reliable. Most OTC brands have little to none of the ingredient listed. Consumer Labs rated Nutrilite #1 & #2, but I knew they were good before reading that! There’s no pressure to buy from my site–well, maybe just a pinch.

    1. Haha very cool, I didn’t even know about your site. You wear many hats my friend!

      This is very interesting… I’ll look into magnesium, but right now I’m on the Nature Made prenatals (for endo, of course. I WISH it was for a baby haha!) but I’m not very happy with them. I used to be on “Perfect Prenatal,” which I liked a lot better and seemed to have a lot more natural ingridients instead of being man-made. I’m not sure if man made vitamins are bad, but what I liked about the other brand was that it was capsules full of stuff and not a powdery pill. I felt much better on those.

      I really love the idea of the time-released vitamin C as well, that sounds like perfection.

      Yeah, a hysterectomy is usually very effective – and a huge disappointment when it’s not! But if it’s working for you, that’s awesome. I think the hardest thing about that is just making the choice to do it – not only on the reproductive front, but also financial and the recovery – it’s a pretty major surgery! Not technically a cure, since it doesn’t guarantee endo won’t return, and removing an organ is not really “fixing” it. But it has a high success rate of getting rid of symptoms and is the best choice for a lot of women. 🙂

  6. I just got recently diagnosed with endo and theirs a vibrating dildo which helped but also hurt since it was hard and not soft. I’ll definitely try the water proof! This helped me in ways you can’t even imagine. Hopefully my abdominal pain starts to decrease

    1. How’s it going so far? Sorry for the late response, I hope you’ve found something that works for you. I agree on hardness- so many come in hard plastic packages that you can’t feel what they’re really like, so it can be a gamble. I’ve gone through a few, still looking for the “perfect fit”

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