Springs In Like a Lion

Hey guys, it’s been a really unacceptable amount of time since my last post. Here’s my apology: 30% off all the shirts in my store! Just use the code SPRINGSFLING at checkout.

All of the items in my store are great for raising awareness even if you yourself are not invisibly ill. My healthy husband owns this shirt:

And on the back it says “1 in 2 people have an invisible, chronic illness.” When people ask him about it, he can say he’s fine, but his wife is the 1 in 2 in this case. That’s a powerful thing to say to get people thinking about all of their close friends and what they may secretly be going through.

You can enjoy my apology from now until Tuesday. 🙂

Now on to explanations. I have been so sick recently. I hurt all the time and I’ve been taking a lot of medicine. I went to see my doctor early this week expecting to hear the usual “well it’s endo and it does that. Let me renew your prescription.” but to my surprise and dismay it seems my endometriosis clock is ticking along a bit faster than I thought.

My first surgery bought me three years of virtually symptom-free, happy life. When pain became frequent once more, I had a second surgery. This time I didn’t notice much difference between my before and after.  Not wanting to go through the physical and financial trauma of surgery that may or may not help me feel better again, at least anytime soon, I decided that I would not try surgery again until after attempting the pregnancy route. Since we planned on having kids anyway, it couldn’t hurt to try a more natural approach.

Well, my doctor’s beginning to grow concerned about time tables. He began by saying that infertility is defined in the US as being unable to conceive after 1 year of trying. Having never talked about infertility before and also having not yet begun trying, I was  understandably confused. He went on to say that obviously endo increases risk of infertility. Gotcha. I get that. Then he said that even if I started today, he wouldn’t be comfortable waiting a year to see if fertility is an issue. He doesn’t want to risk waiting too long because pain is increasing and there’s really no way to know what’s getting damaged or if we’re reaching a hysterectomy point without surgery. He summed up that a slightly unnecessary laparoscopy would be waaaaay better than waiting for signs of serious damage and irreversible infertility begin to surface.

He also pointed out very honestly that there’s really no medical question here because it isn’t life or death and there’s no measurable way to say exactly 100% what should be done. When it comes to quality of life, things get much more philosophical and personal. Read: it’s really up to me.

Well crap. I don’t want it to be up to ME, what do I know?! I’m hurting a lot all the time. Is it unbearable? Well no, I mean that’s awfully dramatic. Am I just putting on a brave face because I don’t want surgery? I don’t know! And it doesn’t help that with endo, pain is absolutely no way to judge severity. Some women have very mild endo and very intense pain while others have organs falling apart and don’t notice. Endo basically behaves like a made up disease – so it’s no wonder so many people think it’s made up.

Anyway. In short I’m lost in an existential haze that is often hyperbolized by narcotic influence.

Be back soon.

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