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One Day I’ll Fly Away

I follow the night…. Can’t stand the light….

When will I begin to live again?

I’ve loved this song ever since I was a preteen girl in love with Ewan McGregor. I grew up into a woman with chronic pain and IBS who is still in love with Ewan McGregor. This song has stayed on my iPod all that time, and seems to have fresh meaning every time I hear it.

One day I’ll fly away. Leave all this to yesterday.

I listen to a lot of songs about flying and in particular, flying away. I’m not sure that says anything good about me. As a girl I felt totally caged by school and I couldn’t wait to get out. I took refuge in colorguard, tossing flags into the sky and feeling like I was flying away a little myself. I married almost as soon as I graduated and we went to college together, where I felt caged in school again and also longed for a life outside a one room apartment. After college we moved back in with my parents and we’re still fighting as hard as we can to get a loan and get a home of our own. I wonder if I’ll finally feel at home there.

Then there’s endometriosis – chronic pain that, I’m told, will never go away. I dream of flying away from that too. But to keep dreaming of flying away is to never fly.

What more could your love do for me? When will love be through with me?

I feel like I’ve learned a lot from endo. I feel like the pain has made me a better person than I was before. So…are we done yet? I learned. I changed. When do I get to be well again?

These feelings were summed up more eloquently in a poem by my friend Sarah, which you should go read.

Why live life from dream to dream?…and dread the day when dreaming ends.

Or from good day to good day, and dread the day when good days end? I don’t have a progressive disease, but old age catches up with us all. And the weariness and pain of old age catches younguns like me all the time. Will I look back and wish I was feeling the way I am now? Will I look back and say that I took this pain for granted, that I had no idea how bad it could get?

I’ve spent my whole life dreaming. I dreamed of graduating, then getting married, now buying a house, soon having kids… I’m sure there will be more dreams after that. Why live that way? I don’t know how to live any other way. No one does. This song doesn’t. Even though it says there’s no point in living dream to dream, it ends on a dream…

One day I’ll fly away…. fly, fly away.

So we keep dreaming.

*****

(click on the pictures to learn more about some of my favorite artists.) ((the last three are all one person…and I’ve posted their art before. I LOVE HER.))

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About rachelmeeks

My name is Rachel Meeks. I have endometriosis, an incurable pain condition, IBS, a digestive illness, and PCOS, which causes irregular periods and infertility. After keeping my illnesses a secret, I started to get upset about how my fellow sick people were being mistreated because of ignorance. I knew that I'd need to stand up, make some noise, wear my heart on my sleeve, and admit that I am not well to make a difference.

3 responses to “One Day I’ll Fly Away

  1. E. Milo

    I’m in love with Ewan McGregor, too. Have you seen his motorbike around the world program? … I could listen to the last song from Moulin Rouge every day! That “come what may” one… It gives me chills. πŸ˜‰

    • Just looked it up – going to HAVE to find it now! That looks awesome! “Come What May” is one of my favorite songs too. πŸ™‚

      • E. Milo

        There are two series, I think: Long Way Round and Long Way Down. I love motorbikes (I own two, but can’t ride anymore, obviously), so it was right up my alley, but I think it would still be interesting if you were simply a Ewan MacGregor and traveling fan. πŸ™‚

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