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Let’s Give it up for my Man!

I’ve written before about how wonderful the husband I captured is.

But I have a bit more to say on the topic. Really he deserves about a billion posts since I’m honestly ruining his life.

Now I know he loves me and doesn’t see me as a burden but I know that endometriosis is hard on him as much as it’s hard on me, just in a different way. He never gets upset when I’m hurting or tired and would rather stay home than go out to dinner. He gets the pain side and doesn’t mind it. But the wild emotional side – yeah. That (rightfully) drives him crazy.

I would say that 90% of my emotions are valid. But I am totally aware of when they’re not. There are some days when I just want to SCREAM, and my husband will set it off no matter how lightly he treads. The problem is that even when I know that I’m not really mad at him for moving the remote from where I last saw it, I still FEEL really angry and it just bursts out because I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT AND I JUST FEEL LIKE YELLING RIGHT NOW SO I’M GOING TO.

I would say that the lucky flipside is that I also get really happy sometimes, but I know I’m just as bat sh*t insane then too.

And the hyper happy usually ends with me watching videos of funny babies and crying.

pamandthesaddogI know it’s obnoxious. But, like Jim from the Office, my husband is just as sweet and just as understanding. Here’s some real life quotes from my actual real life:

After watching Sherlock

“I’m so sad.”

“Why? You know it’s going to turn out alright.”

“But John is sad! And he won’t stop being sad until the next season!”

“Oh, John’s okay. I promise. He doesn’t need you to worry.”

After getting a cat down from a tree

“Are you sure he’s okay?”

“Yes, I saw him smile before he ran off.”

After looking up hernias online

“THEY STICK OUT OF YOU! I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS!!!” *hysterical weeping*

“Sweetie, there’s nothing sticking out of you. The doctor said it’s all healed. Put the computer away.”

He’s endlessly sweet, really he is. He’ll only ever admit to being disappointed after a lot of coaxing, and he’s always sure to define his disappointment as being sad that I don’t feel well, rather than being disappointed in me. I just can’t help wanting better for him. He’s my favorite person. And I want him to have a wife that doesn’t get worn out by little things and who isn’t hysterically emotional and who doesn’t have any issues with sex and hormones and therefore doesn’t have to submit him to conversations about lady parts. All chronic pain is hard but endometriosis is frankly awkward.

When I was diagnosed, my first thought was that my then finance should probably not marry me. I had no experience with the illness and really didn’t know much about it, but I felt broken and like a hassle. Little did I know the emotional and physical issues that came with it. I had felt pain, I had been told it was incurable, and I had some new pills to take. I wasn’t thinking about how it was going to affect sex. I wasn’t thinking that it might compromise our ability to have kids one day. I wasn’t thinking about how it might even take over my deepest emotions. But I sensed that it should be a deal-breaker. My husband and I have a long history and I knew he wouldn’t really leave me. I know we’re connected so deeply, and that as cheesy as it sounds, we really are going to be together forever. But I see that as an act of grace. I know most men would leave, and how could I blame them?

But let me be clear – I am not saying those men who leave women because of endo are off the hook. If you’re married, that’s in sickness and health. You stay. You man up. And if you’re engaged, you DID ask her to marry you, that’s sickness and health too. But in a dating kind of situation, I do feel like it’s one of those things that you have to say look, this is how it is. I’m sick forever, so if you’re not in for the long haul then I don’t want to play games. It’s akin to a guy saying look, I lost my leg. It’s not coming back. Or look, I have a split personality and that’s just part of the deal. In a recent twitter chat I said that invisible illness really does make dating harder but that I think it’s a good thing – hopefully it’ll weed out anyone who’s not worth your time.

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My husband’s in it for the long haul. We’ve been married for three years, and yes, he’s carried me a lot of the way. I’m so grateful. And I can’t help but feel like maybe I am ruining his life. But if he wants to stay, I want to make it worth his while. Right now we’re looking for a house. I can’t wait to make a home for him. This past week or so I’ve been putting in a lot of late nights at work and making myself sick, but I keep my chin up because I can work for now, and I want to help provide for us. I can’t wait to have kids and plan special surprises for Daddy. I love cooking for him, I love talking to him, I love playing with him and traveling with him and kissing his face. I think he’s happy. I want to keep him that way.

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I’ll end with a quote from a dear friend who spoke at our wedding: “For if you can carry each other through the bad times, in the good times….you will dance.”

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About rachelmeeks

My name is Rachel Meeks. I have endometriosis, an incurable pain condition, IBS, a digestive illness, and PCOS, which causes irregular periods and infertility. After keeping my illnesses a secret, I started to get upset about how my fellow sick people were being mistreated because of ignorance. I knew that I'd need to stand up, make some noise, wear my heart on my sleeve, and admit that I am not well to make a difference.

15 responses to “Let’s Give it up for my Man!

  1. What a wonderful man you have and I love the quote. When a man sticks by during the very rough times, he is a keeper.

  2. Did you happen to draw the “girls on period…” cartoon? That one made me laugh out loud! I wish you both a long, secure marriage! I’ve been married, I don’t know, 16 years, and it has been a fun ride, certainly not always easy. I think we both make each other better people. I hope eventually that endometriosis relents for you (and him πŸ™‚ )

  3. And I say keep dancing—- in all the years that Gary & I have been married– close to 40 now– the days when he walks tooooo loud– & I say so– he sometimes says to me– Honey– Did you remember to take your B-complex today???? πŸ™‚ hee hee Keep dancing— I met Gary on the dance floor– & we are still dancing!!!! πŸ™‚ You two make a super cute couple– keep dancing— I had endometriosis- when we got married– then MCS–& then Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue & Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity- &- &- &- &- &- it has all made us stronger TOGETHER!!! But he didn’t come without lots of baggage when I married him– When you are suppose to be together– it all works out in the long run!!!! πŸ™‚ Dance!!!!

    • LOVE this comment! πŸ™‚ Haha I love the “walking too loud” thing – I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! And I agree that every challenge makes us stronger. We met dancing on stage and we’ve been dancing ever since. πŸ™‚ Not going to stop now!!!

  4. Lindsay

    sounds like you found a wonderful man! there should be a special place in heaven reserved for spouse caregivers of the chronically ill!!

  5. What a beautiful, honest relationship. I’m glad you have someone like that by your side with all you go through.
    P.s. does he have any brothers? Haha jk :p

  6. Aw, so sweet. I love your wedding photo; you look like a princess. I’m so glad you lucked out there as you are very right that most men are not interested in sick women and the ones who are NOT like your husband do leave (and quickly). I have no worries about you two though…
    A xo

    • I’ve heard sooo many heartbreaking stories of people getting divorced over illness. Sadly it’s usually the woman who is sick and left alone. Especially with endo, which makes sex painful for women – it’s seriously tragic how many husbands cheat on or leave their wives when endo comes around. I’m so so lucky. But I’m still so so sad for the girls who don’t have a man like that.

      • Yes, I can relate to that and just stay single. Some of us with EDS have the same issues regarding sex, especially with my type (classical) and the inept docs here don’t know about EDS so don’t have much to offer. Then, you throw in the fact that many of us can’t do anything but drag ourselves to endless doc appts. and we’re hardly a catch anymore. It’s not like I can sit in a movie theater or go eat out with all my issues! It’s really all illness–my mom’s cousin was married for over 30 yrs and got breast cancer and her husband just left and filed for divorce, so she had to pay COBRA as she couldn’t work due to all the chemo, etc. Rather sucky. 😦

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