“But it’s not my fault I’m sick!”

Life’s not fair and people are often mad at you for things that aren’t your fault. But one of the most frustrating and hurtful instances of this is when people seem to get mad at you for being ill.

Of course, many times this anger is rooted in love. Just like the day you yelled at your best friend for saying she’d come play with you and then canceling at the last minute, it’s really disappointment being communicated in a destructive way.

angry dome childish anger

But there are times when there’s no love and it’s just unfair. REALLY UNFAIR! Because it’s not like you WANT to be sick or get special treatment or anything like that.

But enough people have called in “sick” to work for society to be suspicious of all illnesses, unfortunately.

I can’t really cover all the times this has happened to me in one post. And I can’t really blame the people who get mad at me, either. Heck, there are a lot of days when I’M mad at me for being sick! I get where they’re coming from.

I’ve already written about the one time my sweet husband got angry with me for being sick. But I see that he was really just venting frustration with the situation. He, like many others who snap at me occasionally, was really mad at the illness inside me, not me particularly. Anyone ever watch Yu Gi Oh? I don’t, but I watch LittleKuriboh’s Abridged Series which I highly recommend. The early episodes are a little like wtf, but it gets sooo good. Anyway, on that show there’s this guy who has the spirit of another guy inside him, and in the Abridged Series one of the characters has a crush on “Yugi’s Sexy Alter Ego.” It’s kind of like that, but instead of having a sexy alter ego that everyone loves, I have an evil alter ego that everyone hates.

So I’m like Marik.

Sounds like endometriosis to me!

My parents sometimes get frustrated with me being sick. Or talking about being sick. My mom really wants to solve all the problems. She once came over and spent an entire day cleaning my apartment because she thought it would help me be sick less often. At the time I couldn’t help but feel a little smothered (and slightly offended that she thought my cleaning habits are keeping me sick. I do try to keep a cute home.) but her intentions were nothing but good will. It’s frustrating on both sides. We both just want me to get better, and it’s very upsetting when I’m just not.

ugh mom tension mother daughter brave

And I’ve had my share of professors who have given me a stern talking to when I fessed up to having a chronic incurable disease. You know, instead of compassion they offer a life-changing speech about how we need to step up to the plate, really work hard, give up laziness or partying or whatever the REAL problem is, and then we’ll succeed.

Then there’s employers. This is especially tough to navigate because they can really just screw your entire life over if you step a toe out of line. Of course not all bosses are that way. But even the best boss I ever had made fun of me when I told him I was sick.

If you don’t get that gif, go watch a Very Potter Musical and A Very Potter Sequel right now!

And of course, at my last job, I got laid off very suddenly and with no explanation after mentioning my illness. Which didn’t feel good.

I’ve seen other blogs say that it’s hard for people to be around sick people because it subconsciously reminds them of their own mortality or something like that. But whether you look at it in the best light – “It’s because they love me and they want me to be better,” – or the worst – “IT’S NOT FAIR AND THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!” – it sucks.

And while we’re talking about life sucking, I just discovered Sherlock. I’ve lost sleep. Please just put out the next episode already, I can’t stand John’s suffering anymore.

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22 thoughts on ““But it’s not my fault I’m sick!”

  1. Ugh! I can so relate! My family and friends sometimes get really frustrated with me and want to know why I’m not better yet or why I can’t seem to do enough to get better. As if I can choose the timeline of what is happening to me! Sheesh! I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It seems especially unfair to have the anger pointed at you when you, of all people, would be the first one to kick up your heels if you felt like it. It is hard to deal with our own anger and frustration toward our situation when we are dealing with the anger and frustration the world wants to throw our way as well. I love your posts, you help me remember I’m not alone. Thanks for that, and btw, I’m not mad at you for being ill, I’m just mad that you’re sick at all but instead I’ll point good thoughts for you out to the universe and hope that those in your life can come to terms with the fact that you’re not feeling well with a little more grace because even if it is out of love, it still doesn’t feel very good. Hang in there!

    1. Thank you so much, that comment put a huge smile on my face. It’s always easier when one knows they are not alone. πŸ™‚ You summed it all up perfectly. I pray for grace for the people in your life as well. Hugs!

  2. I’m with you sweet niece! Even my saint oh. Husband gets tired of hearing that I’m tired or nauseous or just feel like crap today! Lupus sucks the life out of you SLOWLY! I’m praying for you and all your readers. Being sick especially when it’s not obvious to those around you SUCKS!!!!! Hang in there everyone, focus on the good and do what you always have to….keep on till you can’t! Rest and start again. Better health to all!

    1. Thank you so much for the well wishes and the kind comment! I’m always so excited when family and friends take the time to read my blog, particularly those who can really appreciate it. πŸ™‚

  3. Yes, THIS. I actually sometimes go in to conversations prefacing anything I say about how I’m feeling with, “And I do exercise and eat right and try to get enough sleep though I guess I don’t, etc., etc.,” trying to stave off the inevitable suggestions that if I just took a little better CARE of myself…and then no one really listens to what I say anyway because I’ve taken so long to say it!

    I’m really sorry it affects you at work. 😦 I’m lucky enough to have a supportive employer and colleagues and wish I could send some of their good energy your bosses’ way.

    1. Hmmm. Maybe I should try your preface list. πŸ˜‰ Mention you’re ill and everyone’s a doctor!

      Work is so tricky. I’m hoping that with more awareness all around, this problem will go away for everyone.

  4. Your ability to see things from all sides is really impressive and enlightening. I completely understand how you feel in regards to this whole post. I find myself tip toeing around other people because of my illness, which if I really think about it is just so wrong. I try so hard not to inconvenience other people with it (even those I don’t know well) when in the end I’m the one that has to live with it every day.

  5. oh my, I can so relate to all of this. I have fibromyalgia and have lost most of my so-called friends. One of my friends who has stuck around is visiting for a few days and has been snippy with me a great many times during her visit. I have not confronted her yet but I guess I will have to. Maybe one more friend gone. That will leave a party of one. I hate myself and this horrid disease!

    1. Barbara – don’t hate yourself! Check out my recent posts on zombies and love your body week – and remember that illness is hard all around, but there’s a lot of good reasons to love yourself anyway. πŸ™‚

    2. My mum has fibromyalgia, and I am very ashamed that I sometimes get mad at her for feeling unwell 😦 I just have to make a more conscious effort to put myself in her shoes and remind myself that even though I can’t physically see how she’s feeling, or know the feeling myself, that totally doesn’t matter. It’s not about me, this is how she’s feeling. It sucks that you lost some of your friends 😦 Don’t be hard on yourself (that’ll just make you feel worse, haha). If she’s like me, then she has the emotional maturity of a 17 year old, so while she learns to grow up, you can move on from her and find some new, better friends. Good luck! πŸ™‚

      1. It can be very hard to care for someone with any kind of illness. I know I can be difficult. And I’ve grown up with a sister with mental problems from a childhood brain tumor. From the time I was 7 to now at 25, there are still some days you’d think I was still 7 years old if you saw how impatient I can be with her. But you’re very right – all we can do is keep trying our best on both sides. πŸ™‚

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