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And about the silence . . .

I’m well aware of the gap between announcing the 100th Post event and posting the pictures, and I feel really bad about it. I’ve been a mess lately, and I need to write about it in depth because it is related to the invisible illness experience. However, the dust hasn’t quite settled on everything, and I think it’ll be best to wait to go in to details.

But I owe my readers an explanation, so here it is in a nutshell. Remember this happy post? It’s truly depressing how recent that was, because I’ve lost my job. Completely. I went from security in a salary and being ensconced in employer-provided health insurance, to having no idea what to do now. It took me completely off guard.

Since I’m happily married, I figure that being unexpectedly fired is the closest thing I’ll experience to a painful breakup. This sudden rejection was like an arrow to the heart, and it sent me in to sweatpants and buckets of ice cream for many days.

[Click this pic to see more work from one of my FAVORITE artists]

After that, I was caught up in spending time with my little cousins from California. They adored me, and this ego boost solidified my desire to become a mother while also making me question WTF I want to do career-wise even more than before.

cousin love mother kids

Cousinette made this my phone background – I smile every time I see it!

And finally, we drove up to Oklahoma where my family from all over had rented a small village of cabins for a weekend camping trip. It was nice to get away, spend some time in nature, see the stars for a change, and of course, love on the little ones.

I had a great time, and then we got some really great news! My husband got a job with a local scene shop. He can quit waiting tables and do what he really loves.

I’ve got a lot to smile about. But there’s still a dark cloud hanging over my head. What’s going to happen to me? Do I pay (A LOT) to keep my health insurance? Do I have a choice? Is this the industry I want to be in, and if not, am I qualified for anything else? Again, do I have a choice?? How am I going to get out of my parent’s house and in to my own home? How much longer can I evade surgery? What will tomorrow bring?

So. That’s where I’ve been. Now it’s time to dust off and keep on writing.

We now return to your regularly scheduled health advocacy. 🙂

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About rachelmeeks

My name is Rachel Meeks. I have endometriosis, an incurable pain condition, IBS, a digestive illness, and PCOS, which causes irregular periods and infertility. After keeping my illnesses a secret, I started to get upset about how my fellow sick people were being mistreated because of ignorance. I knew that I'd need to stand up, make some noise, wear my heart on my sleeve, and admit that I am not well to make a difference.

25 responses to “And about the silence . . .

  1. 😦 I hate it for you. This really does kick one in the seat of their “self-esteem”pants. I’m glad you were able to get away. I’m thinking about you! Hang in there. Those of us who live with invisible illness are experts at making lemonade. Hugs!

    • 🙂 Thanks for your very encouraging comment. I’m certainly trying hard to make that lemonade but I’m working with some extra tough lemons. 😉 This blog and my blogging friends have really helped me keep going. ❤

  2. Hi Hon—- I’m going to tell ya what my Dad always told me— ya will feel better when it quits hurting!!!! 🙂 Blessings to you dear friend– I sure don’t know the answers– but I do care– & you & your hubby have each other & you will make the right choices– & things are going to work out– just give it some time– to fall into order!!! You are always in my prayers– like all of my MCS sisters are– But I will pray for God to please guide you & your hubby & give you direction for your future & meet all your needs in Jesus name!! later gator— 🙂

  3. I’m loving your positive attitude.

  4. when we have a chronic dis-ease there is much we do not control. congrats for your husband’s new job, remember all will be revealed in it’s own time. for now try to be in the moment and honor your body and soul.

  5. endohope

    Well, even it’s to be the bearer of bad news, I’m happy to see you back.

    You continue to be a great source of inspiration and happiness to a great deal of people – both here and offline – and no one can take that away from you. Let that knowledge fuel you on the hard days ahead.

  6. So sorry to hear your going through a rough time! Writing about it is a great way to get it off your chest! Stay strong.

  7. MCS Gal ⋅

    I’m sorry for your challenges. Sometimes life stinks. Your husband’s job is a great thing.
    Hopefully this “set-back” will be something that propels you to a place you never dreamed possible.
    Good luck – the sky is the limit for you right now.

  8. David S ⋅

    My kids always look at me weird when I tell them they’ll feel better when it quits hurting. Glad I’m not the only one who says that, but it’s true.

    Love you and praying for you.

  9. What a lot to deal with. I hope things calm for you and you are able to make the decisions that are “right” for you. Glad your husband got the job he wanted and am waiting for the update.

    • I’m really happy that hubby has a job he loves while I flail around trying to figure life out. Right now, I’m interning (read: working unpaid) for my dad, which is good experience but it’s kind of a drag to work and get all tired and sick and not get money at the end of the day. I’m really hoping to get things figured out soon. Almost a month later, there’s still SO much to do. :/

  10. taramc49

    Wow, it’s like you read my mind. I’m in a similar situation. I’ve been told by my doctors that I can no longer teach because of my POTS. I’ve been told that before & ignored it because I love teaching & had put in so much time into building a career. However, I ended up on my butt…lol…so now, I’m trying to figure out a new career for when I am able to work again. I know how difficult it is & I’m sorry that you’re going through such a difficult time. I’m sure you will find your true calling & that it’s just a matter of time before you find a job that makes you happy. Stay strong ❤

    • Thank you, thank you, thank you SO MUCH. I want to say all the same things to you, too! It really really helps to know I’m not the only one in this situation. Unfair things are much easier to deal with when you’re not alone. Keep your chin up and I’ll try to too. 🙂

  11. I miss being normal, and wonder if I’ll ever see it again.
    My prayers are with you.

  12. Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner and commented:
    Illness comes in all guises. Looking well, but feeling like crap is probably worse only because people tend not give you any sympathy for a significant length of time, figuring you’re just being lazy, negative, or looking for sympathy. I would like to share my pain and fatigue with them for 1 week to see if they would still feel that way.

  13. Hey Rachel,
    I was a workaholic climbing the career ladder and in grad school full-time when I got sick and it all fell apart. I, the stellar employee, tried so hard to keep working and got fired at least twice b/c I was sick, even though I was more productive than my coworkers. I’m so sorry! This is part of life with chronic illness, unfortunately. I would suggest that you find every penny to pay for pricey COBRA coverage so you have insurance and don’t have a lapse in coverage. This is so important until you can get on your husband’s plan. From there, you will have to decide what you can and can’t do. After getting yet another degree and falling flat on my face, I applied for SSDI and won my case w/o a lawyer. It pays squat, but this is something many of us have to accept in the end. Whatever you do, the shock of what happened will pass in due time–I promise as I’ve been there…
    Hugs, A

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