It is a debate that seems to be unsolvable. There’s plenty of “science” supporting both sides:
Yeah. Well, you can throw out all kinds of numbers (that come from facebook posts, so they MUST be true right??) but I can end this debate once and for all!
Not today, but I will be the one to end it.
I AM THE MISSING LINK.
Biology lesson time!
While in the womb, if a fetus is male, it will grow balls. If the fetus is female, then the stuff that would become balls if it were male becomes ovaries. Therefore, ovaries = testicles. Therefore, a woman would experience the same pain as men if she were kicked in the ovaries. Luckily, though, our ovaries are nested safely under muscle, bones, and other organs, which means they never take a direct hit.
At least, they’re not supposed to.
Do you remember the story of my diagnosis? I told you I woke up in intense pain that nothing could ease, but I did not explain why. Yes, it was this episode of pain that eventually got me diagnosed with endometriosis, and endo definitely had something to do with it, but it didn’t pull it off alone.
After my surgery, my doc said that part of my large intestine/colon was not shaped right. Even after years, I still don’t entirely know what that means exactly. I’ve looked at so many diagrams of the digestive system, and can’t find a place where it seems like this is possible. All I do know is somewhere along that track of digestive tubing, there’s a loose bit. Instead of being safely nestled in one spot, it kind of swings around. I asked my doc if he did anything about it, and he said there’s nothing to do. I then rattled off a billion solutions, like just one little stitch to hold it in place, or some kind of tape like job, or removing part of it so it’s shorter – apparently that’s all crazy talk, and it’s much better to just let it do what it wants.
The problem is that it’s evil incarnate, and I don’t like letting it do whatever it wants because it’s all EVIL.
Here’s what really happened on that fateful morning.
I was sleeping like an angel, minding my own business, when I must have rolled over or snuggled or curled up or uncurled or moved in some way that was NOT drastic at all, which caused my loose tube to come crashing down on my ovary. So I was essentially woken up by the equivalent of being kicked in the balls. My large intestine had been doing it’s job, so it was full of food and waste and whatever, so it was extra heavy. But, actually, this instance was worse than just being kicked in the balls. My “balls” happened to be covered in endometriosis at the time. Which I suppose would be comparable to having open sores all over your testicles and THEN sustaining a kick to them. But that’s STILL not all!
Even though my rebellious colon can swing around, it still doesn’t have a ton of room. So on this particular morning, it got stuck. Crushing the crap out of my ovary. Obviously I eventually must have twisted just right (or taken enough vicodin) to relieve the crushing. But not for a few hours.
I hope women and men are wincing alike at this story.
So that was a pretty extraordinary circumstance, so it doesn’t really count in the grand debate of kicked vs. birth. Even though it was likely much worse than either one. But don’t worry. Like I said, my doctor is letting my little devil colon do whatever it wants, so I have experienced a good swift “kick” a few times since then. I’m very familiar with the feeling and the degree of pain. So, I’m the missing link.
Since the only cure for Endo (ironically) is childbirth, I should be able to settle this once and for all very soon.
Stay tuned! Life’s mysteries revealed!
A note on “April Fools Day:”
This post is 100% true and not a joke. I realized towards the end of writing it that it’s stupid April 1st and that means the internet will be full of fake stories that I’ll totally fall for and I hate that.
Just a public service announcement: I will never post a “prank” post on this site. In fact, April 1st is a very solemn day for my family and I. This is the 15 year anniversary of the day my sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor after falling unconscious in her kindergarden class. Today she’s happy and healthy. But after that emergency call from her teacher, we take whatever news we get today pretty seriously, and that’s why I hate prank news on the internet! I will always fall for it. Gah.