First off, I wanted to thank you all for the massive shower of support and understanding that resulted from my last post. It was the most attention this blog has gotten yet, and I felt the need to address you all concerning the aftermath of the issue, so that this blog may move on in a cohesive and satisfying way.
(I’m feeling extra English-major-y today!)
I wanted to begin by saying that I love my “dish” very much, and this is the first time anything like this has happened. That’s part of the reason that I didn’t know how to cope with it. He and I have talked a lot, and I think we’re both better for the experience. I think he’s gained a clearer understanding of my illness and it’s future, and has become more committed to the support role I so desperately need him to play. It’s also helped me to realize that not only was it naive to think that he could be my one and only support, but it was destructive for me to put all of my weight on one person like that. Through the blog post, I’ve had many old and new friends come forward and coax me in to talking to them not only about this, but about being sick in general. I shared things with these friends I’d never shared with anyone but my dish, and that felt….freeing. It was a huge weight off my shoulders, and I’m only sorry that it took a blog rant to make me see straight and start coping with life like a normal human being: by talking to your friends.
I want to put in to perspective that this was a rough patch, but nothing to cause us to part. I love him, he loves me, and we can both be just awful to each other sometimes. Just like friends, siblings, parents, and all humans everywhere.
I wish things like this didn’t happen, but I have been repeatedly commended for sharing the experience. I’ll paraphrase one friend, who commented that things like this happen all the time, but no one knows. It’s all behind closed doors. Closed doors – the thought gives me chills. Closed doors are the reason there’s so much ignorance about illness in the first place.
I’m opening the doors.
After posting “Sick or Just Selfish,” I posted a facebook status that read:
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.” – Anne Lamont
I don’t want to put my whole life on here. I think there are things that are off limits. I don’t write poorly about my dish, or Chris from First Baptist Denton, or Dr. Rogoff from medical city because I have no filter. I think these people and their mistakes matter, and that others can learn from them. I also think that people who have been wronged or hurt in similar ways feel a relief and hope in hearing that they are not alone.
Thank you all so much for supporting me, and showing true devotion to helping me and others with invisible conditions.